Think different, Treating negative emotions

Treating fear the unbound way

Have you ever experienced a Eureka moment? I once suddenly understood a secret of almost all of our negative emotions when I was asking around the question: “What is your most irritated negative feeling?”

And results? Mine is “I have problems with anger” (read my article about Treating anger the unbound way), some will have different issues such as:

“I am still poor and I hate that”

“I don’t want to socialize but I’m not so good feeling lonely as well”

“I hate [this] because I can’t control it”

“I want to be free but at this time I can’t, and I’m so frustrated with this.”

“I am over jealous with all of my boyfriend’s female friends and I’m upset with it”

“I don’t know yet about my future.” [both studying and working]

The list goes on.

And I will tell you this secret:

It starts with Fear.

90% of our bad emotions come from Fear. Let’s work again all of the emotions (and feel free to apply yours!):

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Think different, Treating negative emotions

Treating anger the unbound way

I stared at my broken iphone.

I had smashed it against the wall. The iphone’s screen was broken and I knew it would take quite some money (and some time) to fix it.

But the thing is, if you now ask me why I did it, I can not give a proper answer. I know whom I set my fire on, but I wouldn’t recall the reason. After some time it was too small to ever think about it again.

And that was not the first time I smashed my phone because of trivial reasons.

It was quite stupid, you may say, but we all sacrifice our personal belongings, our own mental stability, our precious relationships, or all of the above, to get over the negative emotions quickly.

We never think of the root cause which triggered us to act like we are the victims of our emotions. We just act whatever that makes us release the bad energy. But you know, there are better ways to treat anger, besides smashing things, punching pillows and shouting in the forest (especially when we don’t live near any forest!).

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Think different, Treating negative emotions

You are not your emotions

Recently when devoting most of my spare time to research on the emotion subject, I realized that when we talk about emotions to our friends, family, even to ourselves, it can’t be clear. Emotions are like tornadoes of feelings, which always seem to be so vague, yet so strong, which are unable to reach and control. We never realize, at least in times we are drown in our own emotions, that we are not those emotions.

You know the feelings of being disappointed, furious, discouraged, or depressed. Sometimes, the feelings can be more complicated, like experiencing misery as a result of discouragement, or disappointment coming after fury. At such moments, you were seeing a hole between who you truly are, and what you are encountering. You don’t know why or what precisely you are feeling, but simply realize that you don’t feel good. Feelings do have many layers which you need to recognize by serious reflection.

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How to retain ourselves with love the unbound way

From people perspective, everything, every action, every motion, every thought, every feeling, all of life is an attempt to experience love. And when I mention “love” it is not just about Eros (the romantic love) but also:

  • Philia (deep friendship),
  • Ludus (playful love, which involves playful activities),
  • Agape (selfless love, including but not limited to love for humankind, for nature, for God),
  • Pragma (longstanding love, which involves duty and long term interests),
  • Philautia (self love, which can be healthy or unhealthy, we will discuss the healthy Philautia below), and
  • Storge (familial love) 

But how can we retain ourselves with love, incorporate this perspective into our daily lives and how do we therefore reduce our “negative” emotions such as hate, resentment, and anger? Is there an easy way of looking at ourselves and our emotions so that we can sustain the perspective that hate and love are just two sides of the same coin?

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