Think different, Treat expectations, Treat negative emotions

A letter for new moms – How to survive with your toddler

Following feedbacks for my previous “Letter for new moms – How to survive the first year of being a mother”, I think it is necessary to again share my experience of dealing with a toddler, the one that drains most of our energy! 

So, dear mom, 

Fever, fever, fever all the times! 

As a parent of a toddler, you may recall the sleepless nights, over-worried feelings and the fuzzle of what to do next during your precious’ fever. In deed, it can be a disturbing thing for parents to manage. Regularly a high fever in little children can spring out of the blue and reach alarming heights, but a fever itself can never be as a disaster as your over-anxiety.

Let me describe a bit about my situation so that you can easily imagine the things I am talking about. I am a type of over-anxiety mom. I just have one child and since he was born, I kind of turned into an over-exaggerated mom, regarding anger and anxiety. My baby, on his third day in this world, got  pneumonia, and was taken away from me and sent to the PICU for one week (to me it was like forever). After that, he got heavy breaths for like 3 months. When he was sleeping, I had to wake up from time to time to check on him and make sure he was fine dealing with his hissing sounds. It took him quite a long time to get over it, not until his 4th month when his breath became normal and me getting so used to checking him.

Then came the problem of sound sensitivity impacting his sleep cycle. He could wake up and cried over a door slam, a toilet flush or some random noise outside the house, and it would take quite a  long time for him to get back to sleep again, and you may get it already, I would be so angry, so anxious, so irritated when it comes to reacting over those noises.

And then, I unconsciously apply the anxiety to the “fever time” of a kid, normally at year 3, which is now. I checked his forehead temperatures all the time, got him medicine at the exact time; and waited nervously, whenever he started sneezing, for his fever to come. Especially when my parents were there checking on and giving medicine again (which always gets on my nerves). Some of you would find yourself in the same situation, as first moms, we all are over-anxious at our toddlers’ illness and will get more anxious over time when the kids grow and participate in many activities in their lives. But then I figured out that he would be fine, and that living with an over-anxious mom will make the kid grows up becoming over-anxious too. I was shocked to discover that from a research, that mothers like me tends to get anxious when he comes to school or work, when he tries new things, and I will ultimately pass this anxiety to him subconsciously. From there, I started to learn how to manage my anxiety when he gets a fever (once or twice a month), feed and take care of him in an easier manner, even when he throws up or when my parents push and order me around. I learnt to wait until his temperature cools down without taking too much of and anxious caring. I learnt to give him room to fight illness himself. Everything is hard, still, it feels good to know that slowing down does work!

The raging mom and the little rascal 🙂

It’s fine to be intense with the goal that your child will figure out acceptable behavior. Try not to be worried about the possibility that a child will hate you. The manner in which you converse with your kids influences the way he converse with others. Talk to your kid before you punish them, get down to their dimension looking is enough to be noticed. Be brief, utilize the one-sentence rule with simple words, observe how your kid speaks to one another then apply the same way.

It is commonly expected that parents naturally realize how to teach your kids, that is simply false. Effective parents are made, not conceived. Being a parent is a standout amongst the most  rewarding jobs you will have in your life. It is, likewise, a standout amongst the most difficult ones. Effective discipline strategies for effectively  bringing up great children can be learned and can  be adjusted to different types of  parentings. It’s vital that the parents realize the distinction between control, discipline, and abuse. As parents, you will likely, show the youngster how to manage things on his own and to show your kid self-discipline so he will carry on appropriately without direction.

Yelling and spanking, no no!   

This is the hard part, to figure out how to teach your child without yelling and spanking, and without maltreatment. Discipline helps and encourages kids to control their behavior, injury can happen when you hit your kid since it’s too hard to even think about calming down when you are furious. Rebuffing, spanking, punishing, shouting, or disgracing a youngster brings down their confidence, and will just show your kid that it is OK to lose control.

Oh yeah, we all know that spanking is too much and sometimes yelling is fine, especially when you have to repeat something more than three times before yelling, but then it is noteworthy to remember that yelling at your children or utilizing unforgiving words isn’t gainful, especially in the long run. Imagine yourself becomes a yelling monster for the rest of your life. One of the main things that you can recall while figuring out how to teach your child, is to be tolerant. I am a hot tempered woman, but right when I know I have to be more tolerant at that boiling time, I suddenly become more tranquil. Be predictable and firm and don’t yield to their rage, those monsters will rehash a similar conduct in future 🙂

Oh boy, you are doing great! 

When you are figuring out how to teach your kid, you have to praise their good behavior. Tell them that you welcome the great demonstrations that they enjoy. Keep in mind, uplifting comments help encourage your child do things you expect them to. If you are continually reprimanding and rebuffing your kid they will never know how to correct their behavior. Figure out how to teach your kid without destroying their self-esteem. Make an effort not to reprimand your kid in front of other people. Ensure that your kid knows that even though you disapprove of their behavior, you will never ever stop loving them. 

Iphone and Ipad restrictions, yes or no? 

In my case, I don’t restrict my kid watching ipad 100%. Kids require full attention, that’s why sometimes it’s very exhausting to take care of one fully by yourself especially after work. It’s totally fine to lend him an ipad for 15 mins to half an hour if you need to rest, take a relaxing bath or have a true dinner. On the other hand, some programs are very good for kids to learn things. I was usually surprised at how apps are designed to catch kid’s attention and you can take advantage of it to teach your kids about things that are rarely observed in his surroundings such as airplanes, animals and other simulation scenes.

Another tip for you is that you can use youtube to teach your kids how to brush their teeth, change clothes, and go pee on his own. It works when he sees other kids doing things themselves in the videos and rehash their activities, instead of not understanding and requiring you to help him out all the time.

Some last words.. 

It is imperative to your success that you and your spouse agree on how to train your youngsters. Make parenting a partnership, be in agreement about how to teach your kid and be consistent. Mutual respect between a child’s parents is important whether or not the parents are married to one another. How you treat each other will influence their behavior when they become parents.

After all, it’s fine to have negative feelings. Know about them. Accept them. Watch them   go away. Everything will, in the long run, be fine.

I hope that this article will somehow help you a little bit in your journey. Spread this to other moms if you think it would help them too. Wish you all the luck.      

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